Updated: Jul 26, 2021
The Guide to the Improvised Office Arsenal Part 1
MacGyver's Desk I imagine.
Bob’s Guide to the Improvised Office Arsenal
(Just In Case)
RUN. HIDE. FIGHT.
For anyone who has found this article as the result of a last-minute Google Search:
RUN AWAY FROM THE THREAT OR THE SOUNDS OF DANGER. IF YOU CAN’T RUN…
HIDE. LOCK THE DOOR, BLOCK THE DOOR, AND REMAIN SILENT, AND BE PREPARED TO…
FIGHT. LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT (IT DOES). WEAPONS: FIRE EXTINGUISHER (SPRAY IF DISTANT, CLOSE DISTANCE AND HIT—THE HEAD—HARD—REPEATEDLY. CONTROL THE WEAPON/WEAPON ARM. #2 PENCIL TO THE EYES, THROAT, AND GROIN. IF THEY ARE STILL MOVING, THEY CAN STILL HURT OR KILL YOU.
Good Luck.
Check out my article for Run, Hide, Fight.
In this article, we’ll discuss a variety of creative uses for your average office equipment. You may never look at your stapler the same way ever again.
Just a couple pieces of background info on me to give you a sense of the places where I’ve gathered my information other than my interesting life:
Military. US Army. Infantry. Special Forces. The testing bed for millions of improvised weapons.
Career police officer. Patrol. A spool of thread can severely ruin your day.
U.S. Senate. Sergeant At Arms. Office of Emergency Preparedness. As an instructor/contractor, this was one place that everyone should have a weapon, but severely restricts them. I saw creativity taken to a new level.
At this point in the Run, Hide, and Fight continuum, you are now seriously considering the effectiveness of different pencils to kill someone. Long and pointy or short and stubby? Why don’t we keep these sharpened? How do I hold it?
Give me just a minute and I’ll help you through this.
When you are prepared for a fight or a confrontation, you have trained, examined alternate courses of action, moved up and down the Use of Force continuum (in professional settings), coordinated with coworkers who might assist you, and have determined a “work flow” of critical branching decisions ahead of time through rehearsal, practice, and “stress inoculation”.
In the best of circumstances, you and your coworkers are testing your limits every day, presenting and working through anticipated problems like weapon malfunctions, transitions, light and lighting problems, areas of responsibility, and such. But that is the job of “the fighters”, the police, the ones who will respond to, and solve the active shooter problem. It’s not the job of your average citizen who works a day job in an office or office building and counts on the routine of day-to-day office work, not defending the company flag.
During the average workday, in an office environment where the typical personal weapons like firearms and bladed objects are prohibited, the average person handles more deadly objects in a day than the average criminal does in a week. More or less.
Look around you.
Fire extinguisher: extended range; blocks visibility; respiratory effects; possibly caustic or severely irritating to mucus membranes; blunt force; two-handed striking weapon; throwable; holds doors open.
Office chairs: (Not the twirling, comfy ones). Stackable; blocks doors effectively; four blunt objects to strike with at once (the legs); stand on for a height advantage; hard to miss your target when swung or thrown; can be broken into sharp pieces (with effort).
On your desk: A plethora of sharp, pointy, hurty things. Scissors; break the halves apart, two for one! Letter opener; doesn’t have to be sharp. Paperweight; blunt force and projectile. My favorite: the Number Two Pencil. Place the eraser on your palm, cradle the pencil shaft between your middle and ring fingers, make a fist, and stab the sensitive fleshy parts: eyes, throat, arm pit, groin, etc. Be careful with pens, though. They break easily.
Other fun items: Paper cutter (the old kind, with the machete attached with a bolt), if you need it bad enough, you’ll pull it apart. Spray cleaners, bug spray (you’d be surprised at how many people have a wasp and hornet problem near their windows. Gotta get some). Ladies (and this always started off as “sounding sexist”, but you’ll get it) take off your heels and hold them just right. See what I mean?
On the defensive. You probably couldn’t move a bookcase that provides enough material to stop a bullet, but, you CAN “rack n stack” shelving and filing cabinets for a minimal degree of protection. (Slower bullets do not hurt less). Some desk tops (not the computer, the surface of the desk) are fairly substantial and can provide some protection, however, think about how you would have to place the desk to be effective (thinking in advance).
On the actual assault:
In my article, “Run, Hide, Fight”, I describe the priorities of work for when contact is made with the attacker. Weapon, Arms/Head, and Legs.
When you lock eyes with that person that is trying to kill as many people as possible, you will see the violent desperation in their eyes. Their weapon will likely follow their gaze. They are not exercising target discretion at all. Everything that moves is a target.
For a room where the main door opens inward, and many if not most building codes call for doors to hallways to open into the office or space, depending on the circumstances of the attacker and the environment, the safest place to be is behind the door.
A door is a two-way object. It moves two directions. This is a good thing.
When blocking the door, there will be no concern over there being too much. The more, the better. But, try to make it easier for you and others to reach an attacker IF they gain entry.
Entry. If the attacker makes entry, 9.9 times out of 10, they will defeat the locking or blocking mechanism and use the door as it was intended, on the hinges, and swinging open. This should be used to your advantage. However, timing is critical and a mistake could be costly. But, then again, you ARE fighting an armed attacker with a stapler, right?
Fighting from behind the door should involve at least two people. One to concentrate on using the door as a vertical stun device AND as a potential pinning device between the edge of the door and the jamb. This will probably pin the weapon (a long gun) or the weapon hand/arm. Person #2 needs to be keenly aware that the attacker’s response will probably be to pull the trigger, so forcing the gun upwards or downwards (whichever is safer for the occupants of the space) will have to be quick. There will be a violent struggle to take control of the weapon, the attacker trying to retract it, and the defender trying to pull it in. Once the “weapon” defender has a degree of control over the weapon/arm, the “door” person should use the door edge to repeatedly strike the arm of the attacker or pin it and use their body weight to crush the arm or secure the weapon.
This would be a great place to mention that YOU NEED TO HAVE A PLAN. Count on the failure of your best-laid ideas. Count on being by yourself with everyone else cowering in the corner. Count on having to use your weak hand. Count on it being completely dark in the room. Count on being injured and in pain. Count on seeing blood, lots of it. Maybe your own. Count on things being slippery with sweat and blood. Think of the grip on striking objects.
Know at least the basics of First Aid. Identify items in your purse or bag, or in the office to use as makeshift trauma supplies. Buy a tourniquet, know how to use it.
You have done all you can and the attacker is opening the door. VIOLENCE. EXTREME VIOLENCE. Nothing is off limits. Eyes, nose, groin, every finger. This person is trying to kill you and others. This is an ALL-IN EFFORT. ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL. Everyone present MUST CONTRIBUTE. The response MUST BE OVERWHELMING. If not, many will be seriously hurt or killed. This is the point where the thoughts of family, children, and other loved ones will need to drive you to survive.
Concerning “multipurpose office supplies”: If there are any questions, ask the local police or your building security service about what is allowed and what is not.
Thank you for reading. Visit my site for more.
Scan and Breath. Stay Safe.